


No Resolution

by Emono



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anxiety Disorder, Character Analysis, Depression, Heavy Angst, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Mental Health Issues, No Smut, Not cutting, Rated for dark theme, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-06-01 23:13:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6540511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emono/pseuds/Emono
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael lives with his three roommates - Ray, Tina, and Lindsay. He has a long distance relationship with a great guy named Ryan. He works as a busser at a restaurant, and he's got problems like everybody else. Sometimes those problems become too much. Sometimes it overwhelms him and he has a dark, emotional dip. This is one of those times.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Resolution

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't a story. This isn't even a proper fic. This is an emotional vomit and a desperate attempt to purge myself.   
> This is the most self indulgent crap I've ever written and I wrote it in a day  
> Based on life events

It started out with small things. It was always small things that built up over time. He didn’t always catch them in time to put a break on his train of thoughts, and that’s where the danger was. His brain was wired weird, that’s what he always said. He just functioned differently. He feared different things than other people, certain actions and events could frazzle him without affecting anyone else around him. It was anxiety mixed with a healthy dollop of paranoia with a crumb coat of depressive tendencies. 

 

xXx

 

It was the bills, at first. They came all the time but something about the past two weeks was different. Maybe because he’d opened them, looked at the figures and compared them to his empty bank account. He had debt and it was piling up. One set was from student loans and his failed five years of college, the other set from two maxed out credit cards. There had been some dark times a few years ago where he’d barely been able to eat and his shit job had been the only place in town that would hire him. He’d fucked around in school and lived hand to mouth, and things had only got worse after he crashed a rental car. They’d taken the damages right off his card. It had turned into a disaster as he changed jobs, waited, let the debts rack up. They piled up every month and he’d turned a blind eye to it.

 

Now he was in so deep he couldn’t bare to look at the four digits on paper compared to the double digits in his account. 

 

Michael got two bills that morning. More things he couldn’t pay. It was bad enough he was living on food stamps and tips, the last thing he needed before work was a reminder of how little he made. He pushed it to the back of his mind and threw himself into breakfast, whisking eggs and slicing up bacon with toast to give him all the energy he’d need for bussing tables and running food. He let himself get lost in the ritual of it, blissfully thoughtless for once. 

 

And then he heard the trash can move. “Hey, man, you’ve got some mail on the floor.”

 

Michael pursed his lips tight. He must have missed when he’d chucked the bills away. Pressure swelled in his chest. “Leave it.”

 

“You sure?” Ray asked, turning the envelopes over in his hands. He looked at his roommate curiously. “They look important.”

 

“Dude,” Michael spat out.

 

“Okay, okay,” Ray relented as he tossed them on the kitchen table. “You alright? You seem kind of edgy.”

 

Michael poured the eggs in the pan with a shrug, ignoring the way his nerves fizzled. “I’m fine.”

 

He heard Tina walk into the kitchen and opened his mouth to say hi but she beat him to it.

 

“Michael, you’ve got mail here. Looks kind of serious.”

 

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” He barked, turning and glaring at the couple. “Don’t you assholes have anything better to do than police my mail? Jesus fucking Christ, I don’t go through your shit.”

 

Tina looked taken aback and Ray’s voice dropped low. “Michael. Don’t fucking yell at her like that.”

 

“I can yell at whoever I want, I live here,” Michael grumbled, deflating as he turned back to the food. “Whatever.”

 

Tina shook her head and grabbed her boyfriend’s hand, throwing her chin towards the bedroom in a silent signal to talk. Michael listened to them quietly leave and flinched when their bedroom door shut.  _ Good job, dickhead. You can’t even talk to your roommates without pissing them off. Every time you open your stupid mouth you piss everyone off. No wonder you don’t have any friends you pathetic piece of shit. _

 

xXx

 

Work was hell. He didn’t know what else he expected on a Saturday. Housewives and all their complicated coupons flocked to Italian restaurants with all their shitty friends in tow. Families and their drooling, screaming kids putting stickers everywhere and climbing all over the seats. Old people sending everything back and complaining out their ass, the servers crying, the kitchen screaming - every Saturday they opened like they had  _ never  _ seen a Saturday before. It was a pigsty when he came in and it only developed into a hurricane from there. Bussers were low enough on the totem pole that they got the shit stick from everyone.

 

Ray picked him up at work. Michael’s own car didn’t have running lights at the moment so he couldn’t drive at night. He hadn’t expected to work this late but they’d needed him with the new guy calling off ‘sick’. Ray had been nice enough to leave his own job early to come get him for the price of one fresh bag of stolen breadsticks.

 

“Party,” Ray grunted as he tossed the bag in the back. Michael plopped down deep into the seat and sprawled his legs out, fingers finding his temples to try and rub the headache out. “You need to stop anywhere?”

 

Michael thought of his empty wallet and the long list of household items they needed. “No. Thanks for coming.”

 

Ray waited until they hit the street before looking over at his best friend. “So, how was work?”

 

“Shit,” he grumbled, scrubbing his palm over his forehead. “Mary screamed at me for a solid six hours. I wasn’t going fast enough, the wine glasses were dirty, the floors weren’t clean enough, blah blah. A whole bunch of shit. That new kid was fucking high and didn’t show up,  _ and  _ he’s been stealing tips so the servers were stalking my ass the whole time. All they did was bitch about how I wasn’t cleaning  _ their  _ tables, like there isn’t fifteen of them on the floor with three tables each. I don’t know the math but it’s a shit ton of things for me to clean.” He groaned and rubbed his eyes. They were sore and he wanted nothing more than a nap. A thirteen hour nap after a hot cup of noodles. “Nothing I do is ever good enough for those fucking people.”

 

Ray reached over and rubbed his friend’s knee. “I appreciate you.”

 

“Thanks,” Michael snorted.

 

“At least you made money?”

 

“I guess. Good  _ busser  _ money.” Michael tilted his head to look out the window and worried his lip between his teeth. “I should just suck it up and serve. There’s a lot of money there. They’re always bragging about it.”

 

“There’s only a lot of money if you’re good with people,” Ray pointed out gently. “And you  _ hate  _ customers.”

 

“Guests,” Michael corrected. “The GM flips out when we call them that.”

 

Ray’s knuckles tightened on the steering wheel. “Listen, man, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

 

Michael’s stomach churned and he froze. 

 

“This has nothing to do with this morning, or anything you’ve ever done ever.”

 

Michael’s ears were ringing. Bile threatened to burn at the back of his throat and his palms felt cold, damp. 

 

“But Tina’s found this place she loves and her aunt is going to give her a down payment on it. It’s a great place and she’s paying to own it. Like, a house, what the fuck?” Ray laughed to himself, trying to lighten up the mood. “So she’s going to take it. She’s moving out in the next three or four months.” 

 

Michael tried to swallow and his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth.

 

Ray hit the brake a little too hard at a near-missed red light and jolted them both. He gave another little nervous laugh. “She’s really excited about it. It’s a cool place.”

 

Michael could almost feel the money getting yanked out of his pocket as they lost their fourth in the house. That would be an extra fifty in rent, and who knows how much in bills. 

 

“And I’m...really thinking about going with her.”

 

Michael wrapped his hand around the door handle as he felt his stomach twist.  _ I’m going to be sick. _

 

“Not right now!” Ray promised quickly. “We’ve only been together a few months, it’d be way too soon for us to live on our own. I was thinking like, this time, next year. If at all. It’s still just a thought. I’m not even that crazy about it right now but who knows what could change.”

 

Michael tried to talk and he croaked. He cleared his throat and tried again. “So you guys are leaving me and Lindsay alone?”

 

“She’s your best friend, besides me. Obviously.” Ray shot him a smile. “This is a good thing, Michael. Change is good. It’s going to make Tina really happy. Not that she doesn’t love living here with us, but she’s never had her own space and I think she’d really grow up being on her own a while. With that new promotion at work and…”

 

It all faded into white noise. Michael wanted to cover his ears but he couldn’t move. He felt like he wanted to cry and throw up at the same time. He started mentally emptying the apartment, dumping out Ray and Tina’s room and leaving it bare. All the colorful posters and toys on the shelves faded away, games and recording equipment disappearing. It would just be him and Lindsay in the apartment like how they started. They wouldn’t be able to afford it, they’d both have to ask for more hours at work. Start saving so they had a cushion when everything got tight. 

 

_ I’m never going to see him anymore. They’re going to move across town and get wrapped up in their own lives. They’ll stream and get involved in that stupid fucking community and they’ll never come around. They won’t need us anymore. _

 

Michael only had a handful of friends and he lived with three of them. Ever since he took a year off school he’d had nothing. He worked, ate, played video games, passed out - rinse and repeat for the past five months. Now he was going to lose more money and two of his best friends.

 

_ What if Lindsay leaves? I can’t afford this place on my own. I can’t go home. _ Michael pressed his face into the back of his hand and tried to breathe.  _ They don’t want me there _ . That kickstarted a new slew of thoughts and his breath hitched.  _ He’s lying. I did something to Tina and I made her leave. I was an asshole too many times. Ray isn’t leaving in a year, he’s probably leaving as soon as he can. I get on their nerves, I ruin their days, I eat their food. I’m such a gross piece of shit. _

 

“Michael?”

 

He lifted his head once he was sure he wasn’t crying. Ray was staring worriedly at him. They were parked outside their apartment and he wasn’t sure how long they’d been sitting there.

 

“Do you want to go inside?” Ray asked quietly. “I wanted to order pizza for us. We can stay in, all of us. Lindsay will be home soon and I know she’ll bring home extra cookies.”

 

“I…” Michael grabbed his apron and clutched it tight to his chest. “I’m going to go to bed.” Ray frowned and he winced. “I’m tired.”

 

“Michael, I’m sorry.”

 

“I’m just tired,  _ Christ _ !” Michael cursed, shoving open the door and flinging himself out of the car. He slammed the door and ran to the front door, fumbling briefly with his keys before disappearing inside. When Ray finally got into the house, Michael had locked himself in his room with the lights off. He didn’t answer any of them for the rest of the night and they eventually left him alone. 

 

xXxXxXx

 

Lindsay waited until noon the next day before she tried again. Ray and Tina were in the living room playing a new Indie game together but their attention was tuned in for the potential blowout. She tapped her knuckles against the door and pressed her ear to the wood. “Michael?”

 

She heard the ruffle of trash bags and frowned, knocking again. “Michael, I just wanted to know if you wanted to talk about Tina leaving...I’m kind of worried.”

 

The door flew open and Michael looked  _ off _ . He had dark smudges under his eyes, worse than usual. He was just in an old pair of shorts and a threadbare tank top, a headband shoving back his curls and keeping them out of his eyes. His hands were raw, thumbs chewed at the sides to show off spots of blood. She hated to see he was chewing his fingers again.

 

“There’s nothing to talk about.” His voice was flat and her worry doubled. “I’m happy for her.”

 

“What are you doing?” Lindsay looked over his shoulder and saw bags of stuff, his dresser and closet haphazard. Some of it looked like trash but at least two bags were full of clothes. There was a scrub brush and cleaner on the floor, and his bed was stripped. “Spring cleaning?”

 

“Yeah,” he grunted.

 

Lindsay glanced at her phone. “It’s nearly one. You want to get some lunch?”   
  


 

“Not hungry.”

 

Her gaze swept across the floor and there was no sign of food wrappers, no plates or bowls. Not even a water bottle. “You haven’t left your room all morning, and you’ve been banging around in there for a while. Take a break with me.”

 

“I’m busy.”

 

Lindsay sucked her teeth. Michael wasn’t usually this curt or dead-eyed. He looked like a zombie. Something was wrong. “You want a Powerade? I bought the lemon lime kind you like.”

 

“Thanks.” His eyes fell to the floor. “Maybe later, when I’m done. I’m going to do the kitchen after this.”   
  


 

She snorted. “Fuck the kitchen.”

 

“Tina said we lived a step above squalor, so…” Michael trailed off.

 

Lindsay shot a glare into the living room and Tina tugged her hat down further. The kitchen had a mountain of dishes and the floor was dirty, trash bags piled up. It was a mess and it was starting to smell but it wasn’t exactly urgent. “Well fuck Tina  _ and  _ the kitchen. If it bothers you, I’ll help.”

 

“Nah, I’ll do it,” Michael dismissed. “You guys go get lunch. I’ll see you later.”

 

Lindsay started to protest but the door closed in her face. She groaned in frustration and scrubbed a hand across her face.  _ God damn it, Michael.  _ She pounded her palm against the door until it opened up again, her agitated friend scowling at her. “We need to talk. Something is fucking wrong and you bottling it up like this isn’t healthy. You need to let it out, it’ll make you feel better.”

 

“No, it’ll make  _ you  _ feel better,” Michael shot back sharply. “We’ll sit down and I’ll tell you all my problems and you’ll get to fulfill whatever complex you have about being a bad friend or whatever. I’ll spill everything out, feel all that shit, and then I’ll have to smile at you and thank you for listening. Because that’s  _ polite _ , because it’s what you expect. I’ll give you a hug and I’ll walk away feeling ten times worse. Because talking  _ doesn’t  _ help. Talking only makes you relive the shitty feelings you’re trying to repress.” He put on a tight smile and she hated how fake it was. “So thanks but no thanks.”

 

The door slammed on her this time and she stared in shock at the grain in the wood.

 

“What the fuck?” Lindsay stormed into the living room. “What the  _ fuck _ ?”

 

The couple shrugged.

 

“I’m going on a beer run, fuck this.”

 

xXx

 

Michael waited at least two hours before he left his room again. His stomach was growling and his mouth was parched but he ignored it to get started on the chores. The others were gone or in their rooms. Either way, he was glad to be alone. He was embarrassed at how he’d snapped at Lindsay earlier but he wasn’t going to apologize for being truthful. Talking never helped him, it was only reopening wounds so that someone else could pretend to care. 

 

Michael was numb all the way through except for the sharp hunger pains. It was a reminder that he had chores to do before he could be rewarded. He didn’t deserve to eat, he helped trash the house and his room and he needed to earn his dinner. He was so nauseous he wasn’t sure if he could stomach anything anyway.

 

There wasn’t much going through his mind as he started on the dishes. He was halfway through before his stomach started cramping. He worked through them and polished off a huge stack of dishes, leaving them in the rack to dry. He went through the living room and kitchen with a bag to pick up all the trash. He took the four bags from his room and the two he collected from the house and hauled them outside. He dragged them all across the yard and into the dumpster, sweat beading heavy on his brow.

 

Michael got back inside and started dusting, stomach turning over on itself with each stretch. He got the swifter and was barely halfway through mopping the floor when his body finally rebelled. He grabbed the freshly bagged trash can and heaved into it, body shaking as he threw up what little he’d eaten and the Monster he’d chugged. Dry heaved wracked his body and his knees threatened to give out under the trembling.

 

“Fuck,” he panted, pushing away from the can. He went to the fridge and took out one of the bottles, the chill of the water soothing his throat and the burn of bile. He felt dizzy and weak, wrung out. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been cleaning but hit was hitting him. He wobbled over to the couch and flopped down, an exhausted moan pouring out of him.

 

The sound had barely finished and he was fast asleep.

 

Hours later, Lindsay got off her shift and came home to find Michael half asleep and drinking out of the sink.

 

“Michael?” She came up behind him and put a hand on his back. He had the faucet running and his mouth under the stream, eyes closed and throat lazily bobbing with each swallow. “It’s midnight. You thirsty, buddy?”

 

Michael made a small sound but didn’t stop drinking. Lindsay grabbed a Powerade out of the fridge and took her best friend by the arm, leading him away from the sink. Michael went easily, taking the drink and holding it to his chest. Lindsay pulled him into his own bedroom and made him sit down on the bed. She took off his socks and headband before pulling him into a hug, squeezing him tight to convey all the love she felt for her best friend. 

 

“It’s going to be okay, Michael,” Lindsay whispered against his cheek before kissing it. “Get some rest.”

 

xXx

 

The next morning Michael was too ashamed to even say thank you. He went the day without speaking to any of his friends. Instead he binged the first season of Breaking Bad and reorganized his room.

 

Michael took his tip jar down from the high shelf and spilled it all out on the floor. He counted up every penny and dollar, making neat stacks so he could go back and double check. He wrote out the numbers, estimating and adding by hand and with a calculator. He did the math a dozen different ways and it didn’t add up. He couldn’t pay off either card, not with how tight the belt would be in three months. Maybe when he went back to school…

 

But that was months away. It wouldn’t be enough. 

 

xXx

 

Michael’s stomach was in knots. All he could think of was bills, school, work, the never ending dread that everyone he loved would leave. It all created a tight, painful ball in his stomach. Foods he used to love tasted awful. He bought a bunch of fruit, protein bars, and liquid meal drinks to make up for it. The fresh food was easier to stomach and he could wash down gritty meal bars with no problem. 

 

He felt pathetic. He couldn’t even eat properly. 

 

He was waking up with hunger pains.

 

xXx

 

Michael came home from work, showered, and immediately fell into a nap. It had become his normal routine and had furthered his rut. He sat half naked in the mess of his bed and idly watched Netflix, running a comb through his hair to get out the tangles. He felt stuck and hollowed out, like a doll with cut strings. Every movement was heavy and it didn’t feel worth it even to pee. 

 

He tried to think of someone to talk to, someone impartial who he didn’t live with. Someone who wouldn’t get their feelings hurt with his honesty. All his best friends from college were long gone and had forgotten him. He wasn’t close to anyone at work. His parents hadn’t called for months, not since his big trip down to Texas to see his boyfriend. They didn’t care that he was dating a man, they just didn’t care about  _ him _ . Him and his brother used to be close but they’d fallen out the past two years.

 

He could tell Ryan, but Ryan was years older than him with a real job and real responsibilities. He was a manager at a tech company and he worked long hours with a lot of people under him. They loved each other, they’d been together a year, but sometimes his problems felt so juvenile that he didn’t want to share them. Ryan was cool headed, experienced, but he had his own problems to deal with without Michael piling on. 

 

Messaging him with stuff like this felt awful. His bundle of anxieties and life problems felt so stupid when he said them out loud to Ryan. He didn’t need to bother his boyfriend. He shouldn’t be bothering anyone.  _ I can deal with it myself. _

 

xXxXxXx

 

The apartment was dark save for the TV. Michael had worked a closing shift and convinced a coworker to drive him home. He sat on the floor in front of the screen with a small bounty in front of him. Soup and breadsticks, a heaping salad, and it all tasted like dirt. He knew he couldn’t survive on Slim Fast and watermelon alone so he forced down bite after bite. 

 

He heard a door open and Ray came out of his room, heading for the kitchen. He made a detour when he saw his friend eating and stood behind him, scratching his bare stomach and stifling a yawn. “What are you watching?”

 

“ _ Game of Thrones _ ,” Michael muttered around his spoon.

 

“You shouldn’t watch the Red Wedding this late, you’ll get nightmares,” Ray chuckled. 

 

Michael’s stomach felt sour but he made himself pick up a breadstick. “I’m going to miss you.”

 

Ray’s brow pinched up. “What?”

 

“I’m going to miss you when you leave,” Michael repeated slowly, every word prying itself out from between his teeth. 

 

“Dude, I’m not going anywhere.” Ray lightly nudged him with his knee and laughed it off. “Did you bring me any breadsticks?”

 

Michael’s eyes grew hot with tears but he just gestured at the kitchen. “Of course.”

 

Ray left in search of his snack and Michael quickly wiped the tears away with the back of his hand. It was becoming a disgustingly common problem, crying during late dinners. His worries grew stronger at night, his paranoia inflated to full power when he was so close to sleep. He felt so pathetic but he just kept shoving bread into his face. He knew that one day soon, after years of living together, Ray wouldn’t be there. He’d have his own place with the love of his life and he’d never come around again. He wouldn’t have a reason to. They’d try to make it work at first, sure. They’d have lunches and hang out at each other’s places, but how long until work really got in the way? How long before it got too inconvenient? How long before they all moved to different states?

 

A time would soon come when Ray wouldn’t be around and he’d lose the best friend he’d ever had.

 

_ No one’s going to put up with me like he does. No one’s going to love me like these guys. I’m going to lose one at a time until I’m alone and I deserve it. _

 

xXxXxXx

 

The people he was friendly with at work started to worry. A couple servers, the kitchen prep line, a dishtanker or two. They asked what was wrong, why he was so quiet and withdrawn. He brushed them off as much as he could but he was starting to feel the weight of all the lies. The numbness was starting to burn through him. No matter what he tried he couldn’t shake himself out of this horrible slump. Their concern only made him worry more.

 

Michael dissolved completely within a week.

 

xXx

 

Michael huddled under his blankets. His futon was pushed into the corner of the room and he fit himself there, wrapping him up for warmth. He cradled his phone between his hands and texted Ryan, spilling out his heart in the way he’d secretly wanted to. He confessed how much he missed him, how much he needed him. Their little vacation together was vibrant and rich with life in his mind. Their time together had felt so...warm. Hanging out, eating and cooking meals together, the amazing nearly-bed-breaking  _ sex _ . Being there with him, living with him, it had truly felt like home. 

 

And that wasn’t a feeling he’d had in a long time.

 

Ryan was his only rock in all this mess. And his return text felt like a sucker punch.

 

_ ‘We just saw each other two months ago. We can’t have another trip this soon. Neither of us can can afford to take off anymore work, especially with Tina moving out soon.’ _

 

Michael frowned at the words and shot another text.  _ ‘Can I call?’ _

 

_ ‘Of course.’ _

 

Michael dialed the number and pressed the phone tight to his ear and the first thing he heard was his boyfriend’s calm voice.  _ “What if you guys found another roommate?” _

 

“We don’t know anyone else,” Michael gruffed, voice unused. He realized then he hadn’t spoken since the day before. “I don’t want some stranger in my house.”

 

_ “I’ve done it before,” _ Ryan soothed.  _ “Back in Georgia, when I first moved out. If you get references and do proper interviews, it won’t be so bad.” _

 

“Do you know how weird the people in LA are?” Michael snapped. “I don’t want some secret crazy asshole living here, especially not with Lindsay. What, you don’t give a shit about our safety?”

 

_ “Michael, I didn’t say anything like that. If you don’t want a fourth person, that’s fine. I won’t push it.”  _

 

Michael tried not to sniffle as tears started to clump in his lashes but his boyfriend caught it.  _ “God, baby. Tell me what will help. I’ll do anything for you.” _

 

Michael clenched his eyes shut and let loose the words he’d been holding back since he left Texas.  _ You’re so fucking pathetic. _ “We should move in together.” 

 

The long pause on the line made his heart drop deep into his gut.

 

_ “Michael…” _

 

“I could transfer, I could find work fast,” Michael rushed out. “I don’t need any of my junk so I won’t take up a lot of space. I wouldn’t be a burden. It could be good for us.”

 

_ “Michael, baby.” _ Ryan’s overly careful tone made his throat swell shut.  _ “Didn’t we kind of agree that we weren’t exactly a live-together couple? I want to visit as much as we can, everything went so well when you were here.”  _

 

“I don’t have a home,” Michael confessed, nails digging into his knee through his shorts as he fought off the tears. “Nothing feels good here anymore and it felt so natural there with you. Please, Ryan, you feel like home. I...I need it. I’m so fucking sorry, but I  _ need  _ it.”

 

Ryan moved around a little over the line and when he spoke again it was the sweetest croon.  _ “I want you around all the time, Michael. I miss you so badly.” _

  
“It’s more than missing you,” Michael murmured, but his boyfriend didn’t hear him. 

 

_ “But doing a big move could ruin us both if we’re not careful. I’m not in a place to support you if something happens and it would hurt to see you struggle. Don’t you have school starting up again soon?” _

 

Michael drew his knees up to his chest and rested his forehead on it. “If you didn’t want me to move in, you just had to say so. You don’t have to make up excuses.” 

 

_ “Baby, you don’t sound good.” _

 

“I understand. I shouldn’t try to press my problems on you for an answer,” Michael rattled off, his chest caving in. “I know you have your own things.”

 

_ “Michael-” _

 

“I shouldn’t have bothered you, I know you have work.” Michael’s voice cracked and he knew he had to hang up. “I love you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Be careful going to work, I know your tires are bad and I think it’s going to rain hard all day there. Goodnight.”

 

Michael hung up and turned off his phone, fingers trembling as he started to really cry. His face felt hot and everything inside him was shaking. He pulled the blanket tighter around him and curled up, burying his face between his knees and sobbing. It was loud and ugly and it made him feel worse that everyone in the house could hear him.

 

_ I’m so fucking stupid. I’m going to wake everyone up and they all have to work. I’m inconsiderate and selfish and so dumb. Ryan probably thinks I’m a nutcase. He deserves better than some crazy fucking child who can’t even get his act together. Everyone deserves better. Someone else should be here instead of me. I should be gone. I’m wrong, I don’t fit here. Not anymore. _

 

Michael laid down and cried and agonized until the numbness seeped in and sapped his resolve to stay awake. Only when he’d overwhelmed himself to paralysis did he finally find some rest.

 

xXx

 

“Hey, Michael!” Lindsay greeted cheerfully as she reached over and unlocked the card door to let her friend in. He climbed into the seat and tossed his apron at his feet, shutting the door and buckling up. “How was work?”

 

He shrugged a little. “Fine.”

 

“We’re going to Applebees as a family.” Michael’s right eye twitched so hard it almost hurt. “So you’re coming whether you like it or not. I brought a change of clothes for you.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Lindsay gave him a side eye as she pulled up to the stop sign to get out. “So, did you play nice with the other bussers?”

 

Michael thought of how one of the older workers, Rico, had thrown a tray at his head for going too slow. “Yeah.”

 

Lindsay kept her smile on, trying her best to keep the mood light. “Did you learn anything today?”

 

A faint smile tugged at his lips. “I learned I can be completely emotionally and mentally detached from my work and still function well enough to keep my job.”

 

Lindsay rolled her eyes and huffed out in frustration. “Jesus Christ, Michael.”

 

“You asked.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
